How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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