I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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