Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
