I hate all girls vehemently.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
