Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
