I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just cropdusted the office
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
home. puking in laundry basket.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
