The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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