Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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