Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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