Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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