I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Duck Duck Cougar?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
