Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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