I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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