i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
