Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dating After Heartbreak
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.