Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
