Texts From Last Night

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  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?

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  (340): just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free? http://tfl.nu/81qf
  Replies (17) Good night (997) Bad night (1766)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.

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  (304): I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later. http://tfl.nu/jthu
  Replies (19) Good night (891) Bad night (6188)
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  (607): View more from New York

  she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.

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  (607): she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet. http://tfl.nu/uotm
  Replies (36) Good night (1636) Bad night (8536)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.

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  (412): For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events. http://tfl.nu/5o8b
  Replies (11) Good night (4312) Bad night (1363)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious

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  (862): forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious http://tfl.nu/eea3
  Replies (19) Good night (3448) Bad night (974)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.

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  (870): Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/xv3v
  Replies (30) Good night (3983) Bad night (1412)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.

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  (731): who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you. http://tfl.nu/e0pj
  Replies (39) Good night (5299) Bad night (2342)
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  (661): View more from California

  Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

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  (661): Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple. http://tfl.nu/553h
  Replies (22) Good night (5605) Bad night (1545)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.

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  (646): Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans. http://tfl.nu/r33v
  Replies (5) Good night (1234) Bad night (917)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.

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  (507): he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day. http://tfl.nu/m5g5
  Replies (4) Good night (1853) Bad night (567)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde

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  (401): Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde http://tfl.nu/uiul
  Replies (6) Good night (1378) Bad night (562)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either

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  (908): Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either http://tfl.nu/pvlp
  Replies (2) Good night (771) Bad night (381)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face

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  (403): I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face http://tfl.nu/maqf
  Replies (2) Good night (777) Bad night (268)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal

  (425): View more from Washington

  Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.

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  (425): Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal (425): Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens. http://tfl.nu/rxfs
  Replies (0) Good night (623) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.

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  (612): I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous. http://tfl.nu/xebi
  Replies (6) Good night (892) Bad night (232)

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