I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it