Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?