Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
