we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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