i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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