Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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