There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
