thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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