I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
