didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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