If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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