When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
