i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
