I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
