Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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