this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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