it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
