my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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