i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
