Betty ford says i'm here all night
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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