No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
