I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
