How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
