I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
