Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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