god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
