No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
