So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
