I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
