Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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