This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How does one acquire holy water?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
