I will die if light touches me.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
