i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She told me I should be a condom model.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
