I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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