How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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