Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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