My balls are so social today.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
