so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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