Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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