did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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