That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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