I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
