would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
