Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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