its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
