you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
