Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
