I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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