Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
