Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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