I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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