So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
two words: eviction party
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
