For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
