she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
