Having a random hookup so left but love u
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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