i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
