He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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