just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
