Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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