So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Randomize
