we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Duck Duck Cougar?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
