At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
